There is nothing like coming home from a warm and sunny Arizona vacation to a house full of dog shit. This is my life in a nutshell right now, really nice and relaxing and then Wham-O, hello shit storm. Just picture me and my husband Jason, at midnight after 8 hours of cars, planes and airport food, on our hands and knees, not getting freaky- deaky ( thank you Kelly Ripa) but scrubbing the life outta the carpet and picking out the 4 day old hardened dog crap. I don't mean just a few terds here and there, I 'm talking our carpet was Littered! Blanketed! Defiled! Not just in the living room, but every downstairs room.
You may be wondering if I just forgot to have someone care for our dog while we were gone. Oh I assure you I did and when I asked my texting, boy obsessed, preteen neighbor - what in the hell happened, she shrugged and in a perfect valley girl accent said, “Ummm …like your dog …like pooped a lot." Really. ya think. “Don't you know you've destroyed my house?” I screamed at her in my head. I couldn't even bring myself to really get mad and yell at her and somehow I ended up sort of apologizing to her for my dog's bad behavior. How am I so lame that I can't even go off on an awkward, tongue-tied 12 year old. She was both so pathetic and precious standing there twisting her hair and waiting for her 12 yr old boyfriend to call for Valentine’s Day.
So early the next morning, Jason and I both had to dash off to work and there was no professional carpet cleaner available to do the job. So as our sitter is walking in, I am laying out blankets all over the floor so my kids don't have to be subjected to the poo carpet and all the chemicals I sprayed on it. What a great mom moment. The sitter acted like she understood but made a face that said “Are you seriously expecting me to stay here all day?"
Thankfully the carpet cleaner showed up the next morning and even he felt worried about the situation that or he was just so disgusted he was making the same face my nanny did. He calls out to me, “ Uhhh I've got some extra pet urine treatment in my truck, you want it?”
“Yes please,” I beg “ How much more is it?” (like that really matters at this point)
He waves his hand at me, “I think I’ll just give it to you for free.” Thank you for your pity carpet cleaner guy. I’ll take it. Got any wine in that truck?